I can’t really say that I was sorry to see 2011 leave. It was stressful year.
We (finally) sold our house and completed the first phase of our move to North Carolina. Packing boxes, unpacking boxes, settling into a very temporary rental house that is reminiscent of my first apartment thirty years ago, complete with cheap and/or borrowed furniture. It’s been an adventure.
I said good-bye to some dear friends in 2011 – dear friends who were my age or younger – a sobering part of growing older. These friends all left this earth far too soon. While I blogged about losing Donna and Billy, just this past week I’ve also said good-bye to both Betty and Steve. It’s even more tragic that Steve’s death was due to alcoholism. Younger than I, he just couldn’t defeat the demons that cost him his career, his marriage, and ultimately his life.
And we added the happy stress of a new puppy, who has unexpectedly grown to the size of a small pony and threatens to become a dog of Marmaduke proportions and adventures. Even now, as I type, Tully is prodding at my elbow and whining to be taken for a walk, which I’ll have to do if I expect to be able to finish this post, so excuse me……….okay, I’m back. Welcome to my world since Tully entered my life. It’s all about her. All the time. Really.
I avoid making detailed new year’s resolutions, because they’re just a recipe for failure, depression and frustration. It’s so easy to rattle off a list of goals on January 1st, and they seem so reasonable at the time. Lose 20 pounds. Exercise daily. Stop eating sweets. Organize my closet. But by January 31st, like the vast majority of people, my resolutions have fallen to the wayside, and the mere thought of them makes me feel like a fool. And who needs that?
So, for the past few years, I’ve gone to setting “themes” – one-word goals that I try to frame my year around. I’ve used “de-clutter” (moderately successful), “focus” (moderately successful), and last year it was “finish” (not so successful). But the joy of one word resolutions is that failure isn’t glaringly obvious, and they can still help me set and meet smaller goals through-out the year. I don’t know if I’m any better at finishing things than I was a year ago. But give me a break – it’s tough to change a life-long habit of being a starter.
Today’s the day I have to set my theme for 2012.
Drum roll, please – the word for this year (for me) is – “fearless”.
2012 will be a year full of changes. Moving out of state. A new career (and possibly a job hunt for a new employer – yikes!). Making new friends in a North Carolina. Leaving dear friends behind in New York. Settling finally into our new home. Maybe even starting a business of my own. Or writing more (for money).
This year – I will be FEARLESS! I will push myself to do things that scare me. I will push myself out of my comfort zone. I will do my best to not worry about failure. And if I fail at something, I’ll just get back up and FEARLESSLY try something else. One example is the new look for the blog – a change was long overdue. Hope you like it! I’ll admit that’s a baby step when it comes to change, but it’s only the first day of the year. Give me time to build momentum.
I tend to not be terribly bold in general. Some people might find that surprising, because I can fake it pretty well. But I have that female-born-in-the-fifties angst about drawing attention to myself and being in charge of my own fate. Too much Ozzie and Harriet when I was growing up, perhaps.
Will it be scary to act so boldly? Yup.
Setting a resolution of “fearless” doesn’t mean “fear-free”. It means acting fearless, taking bold action. And I can do that. I’ll reinvent myself, or better yet, find my true self, in a new home in a new state. Instead of struggling to finish that first novel, I’m going to start a new one, and the story is already kicking around in my head, getting ready to hit the page. I’ll figure out how to make a living somehow, in a way that doesn’t stifle me.
How? No clue. But I’ll figure it out as I go.
So tell me – what would you do in 2012 if you were truly fearless? And what’s stopping you?